That Darned Need to Know Basis

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Can you recall a time in your life when you had a “call-in” time window? Perhaps for jury duty or an appointment time you were told to call at a specific time. You find yourself waiting for the clock to move, or staying awake speculating on possible outcomes. There is no answer until the time window opens. You can have your pencil poised over your calendar, but you can’t write or plan or move forward. You have been given a time and you must wait.

I experienced that at Mayo Clinic the night before my brain surgery. I wanted to get to bed to have a good night’s sleep. Well, what I should say is that I wanted to get to bed to toss and turn. I couldn’t relax or set my alarm clock until I called a number at nine pm to find out when to report for surgery in the morning. Did it really matter given that I was having brain surgery at some time the next day? Not really, but the clock didn’t move and I was frustrated to know exactly what the plan was. I tried to call earlier, but there was no cheating. There was no answer until the appointed time, when I finally got an answer with the exact time to show up in the morning. I then set my alarm and tried to get some sleep.

Like those time windows in life, God knows the plan, but doesn’t share it until the time is right. One of the things that I personally struggle with most is God’s “need to know” basis. However, I have learned that fretting and worrying about future days only interferes with the quality of today.

As I worry, I find myself drifting away from God. I find myself focusing on issues and not my relationship with Him. I find myself drifting away from the joy of life in this moment and the people around me. However, as much as I’m sorry for the way I drift away, I am grateful for the way He pulls me back. Being pulled back reminds me of His love.

Oh, just for the record, what happens when the answer does come? I frequently find myself thinking, why was I worried?

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